It's truly ironic having to deprive yourself of sleep to write an essay on the consquences of sleep deprivation

So, it's late... quite late...

Listening to Angus & Julia Stone and the mood is becoming pensive..

Having kind of a hard time just not giving up on school all together right now but, I know i'll be really unhappy if I give up the battle this early in the "war"

I've gotta try right!

Man school has been so tough I keep daydreaming about dying my hair blonde, buying a DSLR camera and running away to Tofino or something pretending to be someone totally different.

Pft yeah right... But a girl can dream right?

Kind of looking for some positive affirmations that I'm on the right path maybe a few words of strength to just pop up to keep pushing me onward. School just so isn't for me not at all

kind of wondering what is...

30 day challenge once a new camera is aquired

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been the closest to.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favourite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favourite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you love.
Day 12 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 13 - A picture of your favourite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favourite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Spring cleaning a little late in the season..

Clearing out all of this stuff from my room. I'm not sure whether or not its a step in the right or wrong direction. Letting it go and moving on or hiding it from my sight so I no longer have to deal with it. It just so happens that all these sentimental things I'm clearing out have been hidden from my sight. Its all been "swept under the rug" so to speak. Is getting rid of all this stuff really going to help? All that I can hope is that it doesn't make it worse. All I know now is I am most definitely ready for a change. A REALLY BIG CHANGE!


Bring on the world!

Up with your Turrets

I havent posted in ohhh sooo long! I've been so busy with school and GRADUATING!
I just signed up for my courses next year at Kwantlen. Super exciting! Although, I'm a little bit worried my life is going to be super bland next year. More exciting news is my Aunt just had her baby! The most beautiful little baby i've ever seen. I absolutely cannot wait to start baby sitting little emmalene. I would love a little one although, maybe now isn't really the right time... All I want to do is take her to the beach! Ill post pictures once I get my hands on some. For the mean time I'll just post pictures of my recent affairs!


Just Kidding, I'll do it later not really feeling the whole computer thing right now!
I'll be back soon!

lifes mysteries

Some things are better to be left in my hidden journal.

Modest Mouse

I love my little world of solitude it's tiny yet the perfect size, I can do whatever I want in here, Listen to anything and no one can say anything about it because they can't see me. Privacy is under-rated these days and I enjoy mine more than anyone can know. This world throws curve balls of all kinds but the thing that's most important to me is to keep on smiling. If it doesn't brighten someone else's day ( which the chances are unlikely ) it will most certainly brighten your own.

Love shall never be received if it is never given so, love everyone! Life is too short to hate.

You complete me

Bedouin Soundclash, you are exactly what I need. I love you! I also love my jeans I purchased on sale for $15 dollars. So... shopping you complete me aswell :)
This was stolen from a blog I'm following I just wanted to see it more than once because I love it:

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people &the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics &endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. this is to have succeeded."
-Ralph Emerson

... Our Lady Peace post coming soon...

ALEXISONFIRE!!!

Oh yes, How I love the Olympic celebration, and Canada, and how everything is free for the next two weeks. However I'm not so much a fan of the Alexisonfire show ending after about thirty seconds. Due to the excitement of the fans and partially due to their love for moshing 19 people were injured and 9 people were sent to the hospital. Things got out of hand quickly and the front barrier to compromised ... the show did not go on :'(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGsjq8gazC0


although the day was kind of a failure it was also kind of awesome because of this picture :


and I got this pretty sick glowing coca-cola bottle

on an up note tomorrow night I'm going to Our Lady Peace and the Heiniken house to Party with the Polish!

thats all for now folks!

Breaking Dishes

These past couple of days I have been feeling so frustrated about so many different things. I could not seem to figure out why all I was eating was cookies, pizza, or generally unhealthy foods, going to the gym or even just going for a light jog seemed like the hardest task to accomplish. I began to feel sick but went to work anyways. Some stuff to do with people in my life. It all just kept piling up on top of each other making a teetering wobbly tower of un-fun stuff to accomplish or rid myself of. Whenever I take time out of my day to just think I find my self in different world. A world where I could go take a stroll down my favorite secluded little trail with dishes. What was I doing with those dishes? I was breaking them. Smashing them, throwing them like a frisbee, aiming them at hard, imovable objects. Just unleashing the anger with the sound of a loud clanging, crashing, shattering of dishes. Who knows maybe i'll get around to figuring that one out...

A day for treats!

I am quite impressed with the success of baking today,only one go at it and no cookies were burnt! Gotta love them sugar cookies! Although all that sugar explains why I'm up this late. Tee Hee. Anyways all that baking was followed by a good sob from The Time Traveller's Wife! Pretty solid day!

Photography

Oh how I wish I was a good photographer and how I wish I enjoyed taking pictures!
Below is a random sample of pictures I took today and no, I am not under any impression that these pictures are good but it doesn't mean I didn't have fun taking them!

Knick-Knacks

Small Portion from my make-up box

My Pastels


My Bedroom

My Cat and I

Nobody hates Valentines Day if you have a Valentine

Due to my recent epiphany of making the most of the worst situations I thought I would shed some light on Valentines day! The day I've always felt the crappiest (except for last year because I probably consumed some of the best food of my whole life) due to the fact that I am alone most of the time. This year is going to be different! I'm going to embrace this day like no other!

Reasons:
1) I love the colors
2) Even though I am not in any type of relationship what so ever why can't I spread the love I have for my family and friends?!?
3) It's Valentines Day, what better day to take a chance? If you don't shoot you can't score!
4) excuse to bake cookies, draw a really big pretty heart in my journal and make little cards!

Therefor I LOVE Valentines day! And I'm really excited! He He He

Everything looks perfect from far away

Today, I was driving down Garden City enjoying the company of myself .... wait! WHAT all alone driving?? Why yes, yes I did pass my N test! woo!Anywhoo I was driving down Garden City and I felt so blessed to be able to enjoy such a beautiful sunny day, in my own car, listening to wonderful music totally at peace with myself. I'm so happy right now I've been so lucky to get all the things I want in my life. Although times have been pretty tough we've lifted up our broken,sad faces and said "Bring it!". Changes happen everyday in life some are easy and some are so gut wrenchingly painful we think we will never live again but, that's not true. When life gives you lemons you can make a sour face or make some delicious lemonade! yum! I choose the lemonade

Amazing Baby

I got my nipple pierced I can do anything
I scrubbed a black kettle to silver I can do anything
I was told I'm going to start serving I can do anything

LOVIN' LIFE

Breathe In The Air

Things arise that you once knew so well, you try so hard to forget and know in your heart you are better off.

Until that one moment when you let your guard down a tiny flash of a memory darts before your eyes and it feels like the hardest thing not to follow behind it into the abyss of what you know is wrong, and bad.


It feels as if it were forever ago. My life was totally different it consisted of such different people, past times, and ideals. I'm totally excited for everything that is going to come my way but I still kind of miss the things I've had to let go to achieve what my goals are now. I know I am better off mentally, emotionally and even physically but, I am still going to slightly long for the days that have past.

.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
.........
"We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets."
........
"I don't want to make money, I just want to be wonderful."
......
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."

Dont let your dreams be dreams!

ONE life is all any of us has. One life to live the way we want, to do everything we want, to be who we want.

I am SOO excited to graduate, I used to be so so so nervous for what would happen after I was finished. At the same time I knew I was so over high school. This nervous state did not last long because I started imagining all the things I could do once I was finally out. I started talking to a dear friend of mine and we both expressed our desires to travel because we just want out. The both of us are working our butts off ( not really that difficult for the both of us ) to make enough money to leave as soon as possible. And once I get back I have decided I want to enroll myself into beauty school at Blanche Mcdonald ( a prestigious school in Vancouver). I am so excited for my life to actually start there are so many things I want to do and it can't come soon enough!
Honourable Mentions:
Kandee Johnson is probably one of the most inspiring people I have ever come across all I can say is thank god for youtube and the internet!
Tara I am So happy to have ever met you, were like two peas in a pod and europe is going to be truly glorious

trying to be optimistic...

So I've been eating a LOT healthier than usual although I have had minor set backs but .. well I'm human right? Although maybe these setbacks are the reason I am not seeing any success?? I don't know what the problem is but apparently eating basically like only veggies and whole grain products and working out 5-6 times a week does not make a difference.... To try and stay on the right track and to avoid the factor of negativity which I always seem to lug around with me I'm not going to complain about my life but I'm going to take the high road!

List of Accomplishments:

1. No double chin
2. I can run for longer than I could before
3. I managed to go for a run in the cold weather
4. I can now talk while I run
5. I feel sick when I eat at work
6. I love water more than ever
7. My skin is glowing more than before
8. I think I lost the outer layer weight on my stomach

becoming barbie..

Models in the late 60's and 70's we're 8% below the average weight. Now they are 28%

In concentration camps prisoners were given minimum 900 calories per day which is the minimum to stay alive. In calorie cutting diets it is expected to eat 900-1200 per day.

Today, I watched a documentary called "Becoming Barbie". It was so eye opening to see how easy it is for people to become obsessed with their weight and image. Its so scary to see the affects of what advertisments, tv shows and even barbies have on us. A lot of it is sub-conscious too. There was one girl who talked about how she became anorexic because exercising and eating healthy became a way of life for her, its all she did, it consumed all her time. She did almost nothing else which diminished many of her relationships. They did studies of girls who live on VANCOUVER ISLAND of boarding schools and private schools there 50% had an eating disorder! .... I actually know people who go to school there! Then later a friend confessed of her anorexia which she had a hard time getting over..... :(

UPDATES UPDATES UPDATES!

I can't believe I havent posted about the Dominican! To sum it all up Greece ain't happenin and I'm going to the Dominican instead! I'm so excited so so so excited! Puerto Plata here I come! One small thing is .... what does hot weather, beaches and trying to get my tan on mean? Time to lose some of this weight and become a skinny bitch! Then I asked myself, How does one become a skinny bitch? By reading the book Skinny Bitch of course! So here I am on my vegan-ish journey, trying to make my way through the world by dogding pizza ( a little hard to do while working at a god damn pizza restaurant) , sprinting past subways, and ignoring the aroma of chicken that so swiftly wafts into my room as I study ( oh chicken, how I love thee). One week has past and I'm seeing results already, feeling great and looking great! IM STOKED ON LIFE

not to mention the fact that I've been hittin' the gym pretty regularly. Hopefully this will all work out for me by the time march hits! Wish me luck... whoever may be reading lol !



Month and a Half to go , I'll be keeping a little journal of little of my achievements because .... I dont have much time :S eeks!